Losers of the world unite!
I bought a new Ford F250 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck Go figure it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85.I returned to the dealer yesterdayBecause I couldn't get the radio to work. The service technician explained that the radio was voice activated. 'Nelson,' the technician said to the radio.The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?' 'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' Came from the speakers. Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.I drove away happy, and for the next few days, Every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs. Yesterday, some guy ran a red light And nearly creamed my new truck, But I swerved in time to avoid him. I yelled, you "@#$ Hole!" Immediately the radio responded with, Ladies and gentlemen, The President of The United States "Damn, I love this truck"....
There once was a man named BeckDrugs and alcohol made him a wreckBut he found God one dayand thought, "Hey! This could pay!"Now the airwaves are filled with his dreck.
I an forever amazed at the things one learns from the internet:Peter said:"Now the airwaves are filled with his dreck"dreck [dr?k]nSlang chiefly US rubbish; trash[from Yiddish drek filth, dregs]drecky adjAnd Peter also said:..."Hey! This could pay!"So Horace says:"Well, why not - the rest of the world is doing it!!! Religion is a lucurtive scam"»Jessie (pay up if you value your knee caps) Jackson»Al (Tywana Brawley ain't lying) Sharpton»Robert (keep it in the family) Schuler»Benny (bring em back alive) Hinn»Ted (never met a man I didn't like) Haggard»Pat (Hurricane Katrina was God's punishment) Robertson»Oral (send money or I die) Roberts»Jim and Tammy (cry baby cry) Baker»Jimmy (do as I say - not as I do) Swaggartand the tune goes on and on...To all this, Horace says:You know the honeymoon is over when the comedians start. 1- The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think 25 to life would be appropriate. --Jay Leno2- America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. --Jay Leno3- Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. --Conan O'Brien4- Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?A: A fund raiser. --Jay Leno5- Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. --David Letterman6- Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?A: America ! --Jimmy Fallon7- Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?A: Bo has papers. --Jimmy Kimmel8- Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. --David Letterman
And also that which Horace forgot to add (modifying a well know quote by a prominent regime member):For the first time in my life /begin strikeout/ I am proud of my country /end strikeout/ I am afraid for my country